||[Jan. 26th, 2004|11:22 pm]
|||||Sex and the City (music, program, same thing!)||]|
Fuck fuck fuck-faced fuckitty fuck shit cunt bitch, aaarrrgggghhhh!!
Jees, i am so sorry, i just HATE my freaking family!
Don't they understand that i physically CAN NOT spend one more day being this fat!
Its got to the point where i have to put food in my clothes to hide that i'm not eating. At two different points today i have had some form of bread down my trousers. Yesterday i had smarties in my KINCKERS!
I cannot take much more of this.
And i seem to have finally mastered purging effectively, except it's so loud! And if my mother found out it would be ALL OVER. I'd be back at 140 by force-feeding before you could blink! And i'd run the taps, but the toilet and bath are in seperate rooms! Grr!
Well, i stepped on the scale today (having not eaten) and weighed in at 8st 8! 120! I haven't done any exercise for the past two days, but all i had yesterday was a homemade milkshake (and i purged some of it) and today i had Oxtail Soup (150cals, 2g fat). Not bad! Tomorrow morning i'll have about and hour to exercise before my dad arrives so hopefully i can workout. The good thing about being at home with my dad though, is that he's so unobservant, that he doesn't notice that my food actually goes into my pocket as opposed to my stomach.
The good thing about not eating means that i don't have to take those stupid laxatives. I get horrific cramps and feel like shit after. At least i don't feel full though. The only problem is that i have to take tablets. And i think that my mother was suspicious cos she started telling me about how taking tablets with no food can give you a stomach ulcer.
Does anyone know if this is tru? I'm taking Sertraline (SSRIs - Anti- Depressants), Painkillers (Ibuprofen) and Antibiotics (Amoxycillin).
Anyhow, i'm off to create my logo for LJ, so see ya!
The THIN Within
"I will be thin, i will be thin, I WILL BE THIN!"